Black Fatherhood Today

Celebrating Black Fatherhood

2009-08-24T16:21:12Z

]]> We hear so many stories that degrade our Black men, but rarely hear of stories that elevate and celebrate our Black fathers, and acknowledge their accomplishments and dedication to their families.

There are a few groups that have began to gather and have dialogues about what it means to be a Black father and dealing with the daily grind and struggles that they are faced with, and still manage to set forth an example that their children can be proud of.

During these celebrations, groups of Black fathers and young Black men come together and celebrate one another and discuss what they can do to help stimulate and revitalize their communities.

Many of the men have taken on the role of mentors; taking our young men under their wings, and those children that do not have a father in their lives, and showing them the love and care that only a father can give.

It has been heard many times about how the Black man is an endangered species. We hear all of the stories about the percentage of Black men in prison. How many have abandoned their families. How many have fathered children only to move on to the next woman.

Yet don't often hear or speak of those Black men who have taken their role of fatherhood seriously and with a passion. There are examples all around us. Only we tend to focus on the negatives that are so readily seen.

What about those fathers who are doing exemplary work? What about those single fathers who have taken responsibility, and are raising their children to the best of their ability? We rarely hear the accolades for those fathers in that position. We revel and celebrate the strength of a single mom raising her children, getting them through school, sacrificing for them, and making sure their children have every possibility afforded them.

There are many Black fathers that fill this role, as well. And they are holding it down. There are single fathers doing what they have to do each and every day; often the unsung hero in their children's lives. Quietly doing their best to raise obedient, strong, and determined children. Yet they rarely get the recognition for what they give.

Sure; many people have said and will continue to say, why do we have to set apart a specific day or week to celebrate Black fatherhood; when we have Father's day? Why not?--Why not take the time to restore the image of what a Black father is, and how important his contributions are not only in the lives of his children, but in his community at large.

It is about restoring and celebrating and upholding and encouraging and fostering the pride of being a Black father. The kind of father that may not have all the money in the world, but has a heart with a whole lot of love to give. The kind of father who may not have the best education in the world, but gave all he could so his children would. The kind of father that goes back to school and strives to be more than what he grew up around. The kind of father that turns his life around--even if he spent time in jail--but is determined not to make the same mistakes and show his children that you can, with love and support, climb out of the pits of past mistakes, and begin making positive changes and wise choices in life.

There are Black men taking care of their families and doing what needs to be done for their children each and everyday. And not near one of them are selling drugs, stealing, or conning anyone. They may not be good with a basketball, a football, or any sport. But they can use their hands and their minds. Their family, their children are their inspiration and encouragement. Whether they wear a suit and tie, or green coveralls to sweep the floors; they are doing what it takes, and are setting examples.

This is what we should be celebrating--The tenacity and strength that it takes for our Black fathers to continue to hold up their heads and do what they have to do, to make sure that their children understand and know that they are not only loved and provided for; but that they have an example of what dedication is.

I applaud those Black fathers who are handling their business; Who are making a difference each and everyday in the lives of their children. I applaud those Black fathers who have not given up; even when it feels like the weight of the world is upon their shoulders, and the enemy is stepping on their necks. They continue to stand strong and rise above the chaos and difficulties that life sometimes brings.

I celebrate these men--my husband, brother, uncles, cousins and friends--for it isn't always easy and the situations often times can seem grave. But with love and determination in their hearts, they triumph over past mistakes and learn to ride the storms of life, showing their children what a truly loving, sincere and strong Black man looks like. We have more than President Obama as an example. He is just one of many Black fathers that deserve to toot their fatherly horn!

SOURCE: Bella Online - Ruthe McDonald

A Return to Fatherhood in the Black Community

2009-08-24T15:48:10Z

I've said many times that white people are not our primary problem in the black community. Black criminals, bums, pimps, welfare maidens, uneducated dropouts, and sorry drug addicts are our problem. And it runs deeper than that. The lack of the male head, the father is a huge problem in the black community.

]]> Do you think that God put men over families just for fun? No. Here is the order of the family:

God, His Son, man, woman. Feminists aside, God put men as the head of the family, after God Himself. God also is in favor or marriages and says that He hates divorce. He allows for divorce but He hates it. Why does He hate divorce? Well He can clearly see all the problems that divorce causes. One of those problems is that any children convieved in the marriage will grow up without a father in the home and the probability of the males ending up in jail sky rockets.

Why are so many black males in jail? If you ask them whether or not they grew up in a household with a father, 90% of them will answer, "no". Read Bill Cosby's latest book. If we continue getting offended every time the truth is told, our race will continue on its steady decline and devastation.

I often wonder what it's going to take to wake black folks up to the fact that we need to confront the fatherlessness in our community and work for solutions to salvage this problem. We also need to salvage the fact that many blacks are drop outs and illiterate.

Check out this article:

As the mug shots of the alleged killers of NFL star Sean Taylor were shown on television, I kept wondering when we were going to see their parents step forward. I saw a couple of mothers, but their dads were missing in action.

Roland Martin credits two strong parents with raising him to do right by them.

Dads matter, and it's ridiculous for us to act as if all it takes is a loving mom.

Now, I don't know what it means not to have a father in your life. I'm not familiar with a mom being strung out on a crack binge. And when my parents were called to the school when there was a discipline problem, Mom and Dad didn't go off on the teacher or principal. In fact, I can still feel the pain of my elementary school principal's paddle being applied to my butt when I acted a fool. The principal could only pop me three times. Dad? He had no limit.

Bottom line: I can sit here today and celebrate them and enjoy a wonderful life because my parents were hell-bent on raising their children to do right by them, especially my dad.

We can spend all day talking about the ills afflicting urban America -- and there are plenty that are institutional -- but the decaying value of life in inner cities clearly can be traced to the exodus of fathers from the lives of so many young men. Excuses often are tossed about as to why black men leave their children (and their children's moms) to fend for themselves. But a lot of them are just sorry and refuse to accept the responsibility that comes with raising a child.

SOURCE: HickTown Press

LISTEN: White House Launches Fatherhood Initiative

2009-08-12T13:40:29Z

Fatherhood. It's been an important part of President Obama's childhood narrative, growing up with an absent father. It was the cornerstone of a historic speech he delivered last year, assailing men who run away from their parenting responsibilities.

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And now it's a priority for the White House Office of Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnership, with the launch of the national fatherhood tour last week. With its first stop in Chicago, Obama's faith-based office will go around the country holding town hall meetings to discuss the importance of fatherhood and speak with community organizations about what policies best work to build strong families.

And the man entrusted by the president to lead the way on this initiative is Joshua DuBois. A 27-year-old Pentecostal minister, DuBois served as the director of religious affairs for Obama's presidential campaign. Now, the young man has been handed an even bigger job, leading the Office of Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships. And though DuBois is not yet a father himself, the issue of fatherhood is one of the top four priorities for his office. (The others include interreligious dialogue and cooperation, the role of nonprofits in the economic recovery, and working to reduce the number of abortions and unwanted pregnancies.)

"[Obama] grew up without a dad in his own home, but he also saw the impact of father absence when he was working in Chicago," DuBois says. "So he started this national conversation about responsible fatherhood."

Obama's deeply personal views about fatherhood made national headlines in June 2008, while he was still campaigning for the presidency. At the Apostolic Church of God in Chicago, then-candidate Obama told the mostly African-American congregation, "We need fathers to realize that responsibility does not end at conception. We need them to realize that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child -- it's the courage to raise one."

The issue of absent fathers is a particularly big one in African-American families, where nearly two-thirds live in single-parent homes. And children who grow up without a father are far more likely to drop out of school, commit crimes, live in poverty and end up in prison.

But the fatherhood initiative is not just targeting African-American families. "This is about kids who are growing up without responsible role models in their families, and that is for all American families regardless of their background," DuBois says.

And he encourages all Americans to get involved by letting his office know what programs in local communities are working to strengthen families.

"At the end of the day, solutions are not going to come out of Washington," DuBois says. "They're going to come out of individuals and families and communities across the country who are stepping up to the plate and meeting our challenges, including the challenge of father absence."

Source: NPR

Obama Encourages Fathers To 'Step Up'

2009-08-12T13:33:47Z

Two days before Father's Day, President Obama put the focus on being a good dad with a series of events for youngsters and an essay on fatherhood that challenges fathers to "step up."

]]> Obama carved out several hours Friday afternoon to meet young adults for a discussion on fatherhood, then host young men from local schools. In an essay for this weekend's Parade magazine, Obama said he felt his own father's absence throughout his childhood.

"In many ways, I came to understand the importance of fatherhood through its absence -- both in my life and in the lives of others," he wrote in the article on the magazine's Web site.

Obama's father left the family home in Hawaii when Obama was just 2 years old. After that, the younger Obama saw his dad only once. Although the president's grandparents helped raise him and his sister, Obama said he often identified with Chicago boys who needed the supervision and direction that a father provides.

"We need fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception; that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child but the courage to raise one," he wrote.

On Friday, Obama visited with about 50 trainees at the Year Up program in Arlington, Va., which helps get career training young adults. He encouraged them to stay on track despite the rough economy.

Later, the White House hosted a town hall on meeting the responsibilities of fatherhood, introducing five fathers who shared their personal struggles and triumphs.

The five are: Juan Carlos Artero, an El Salvadoran native immigrant who is helping to raise his 16-month-old daughter; Joe Jones, a former drug addict who turned his life around and founded the Center for Urban Families in Baltimore, Md., to support families in difficult circumstances; U.S. Navy Chief Quartermaster John Lehnen, who helps care for his four special needs children and supports fellow sailors whose families are stressed by long deployments; Mike Laas, who raised two children while dealing with the pressures of running a small business owner and fighting cancer; and NBA star Etan Thomas, who balances fatherhood with a hectic schedule on the Washington Wizards.

During a discussion with the group, Obama and Vice President Joe Biden agreed that being a father is a role that is important to families -- and to the country. Obama said 23 percent of U.S. children are growing up without a father.

As a presidential candidate, Obama chided fathers who don't live up to their responsibilities. Friday's events kicked off a White House initiative to underscore the importance of fatherhood and mentoring. The White House Office of Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships is scheduled to host forums across the country this summer to learn more about how to support families.

In his essay, Obama said he has been an "imperfect" father, sometimes letting the demands of his work keep him from spending time with daughters Sasha, 8, and Malia, 10. But he pledged to improve and challenged other dads to do the same.

"On this Father's Day, I am recommitting myself to that work, to those duties that all parents share: to build a foundation for our children's dreams, to give them the love and support they need to fulfill them, and to stick with them the whole way through, no matter what doubts we may feel or difficulties we may face," he said in his essay.

SOURCE: NPR

The Legacy of Black Fatherhood by Dana Ross

2009-08-12T13:24:15Z

Some write and speak on the importance of embracing the historical contributions and legacies of our ancestors who were enslaved because of the significant role they played in shaping American society and culture. They emphasize the need of knowing where we come from in order to plant a stronger foot on the path to our future. However, few of us embrace the historical examples and legacies of family structure and life as set by our ancestors; in particular our male ancestors.

]]> Despite the images of enslaved Black men, depicted in history books as lazy, cowardice beings, they were loving, nurturing and protective fathers. There are several periodicals and resources written by enslaved men and women as well as a collection of voice recorded interviews with former slaves who serve as witnesses to the true make up of the enslaved family and their communities. More importantly they document the positive images set forth by Black fathers during that era. They were said to take great pride in their ability to care for their families and would sacrifice their lives for their children with the same compassion and love as enslaved women. Many would purchase their wives and children with money or in exchange for extra labor in order to keep their family members out of slave auctions.

"Researchers acknowledge the business acumen of enslaved Black men. Their research shed light on the slave owners who acknowledged this as well. There are documented accounts of business transactions of enslaved men; how they brokered for land, bought their relatives freedom and made decisions which benefited their families' future. My great-great-great grandfather Frank Cooper was an astute enslaved businessman. Although he was responsible for driving his owner, he was also a Minister who later organized and founded five churches.The founding of these five churches led to the Frank Cooper Missionary Baptist Association. My family's first church, McCanaan Missionary Baptist Church, was built in 1875 in Sardis, Georgia, Burke County. This area is known as "Cooper Hill" named after my family. Unfortunately the original church was destroyed by fire in the early 1890's and reconstructed in 1912. According to researchers, the church was more than likely burned down by klansmen. Today, this church is listed on the National Register of Historic Places for its architectural design. He rebuilt the church on his property, over 340 acres, where he raised his twelve children and tended to his farm. My family still owns and farms on this land today. The land includes a family cemetery where several generations of my ancestors rest.Black men during this era were dehumanized, humiliated and oppressed; however it did not deter them from being nurturing, loving, fathers, caretakers and entrepreneurs. They were able to rise above the social system set against them by pulling on their inner strength and love for their families. Even though some inevitably fell prey to the institution of slavery, there are more than enough documented stories and recorded family histories which evidence the significant and prominent role of Black fathers. These men were able to overcome the adversities of the institution of slavery on the strength of their family; leaving us a legacy to reconnect with. "The above is an excerpt from my book, "Black Fatherhood: Reconnecting With Our Legacy." My main goal in writing this book and accompanying documentary was to show despite mounds of derogatory statistics about Black men in their roles as fathers, there is a strong legacy of Black men (from their time of enslavement to present) who were and presently are proactive fathers. However, in order to reconnect with this legacy, I felt it was imperative to unmask the many extraneous circumstances Black fathers face.

I interviewed over 360 Black men for my project and counting; there will be a part 2. No one has sat down to ask Black men who aren't in the home what keeps them from being a part of their children's lives or what their immediate family structure entailed. Most of the books and statistics published concerning Black men are based on erroneous "findings" and the authors' personal ideologies on the issue. This is dangerous and sets precedent for the perpetual cycle of negative stereotypes of Black fathers overall; casting an even darker cloud on Black men and families. I included Black men who were absent from the home in this project as well so we can clearly understand, explore and define their issues. Once defined, these issues can guides us as we take a proactive role towards alleviating as many of these circumstances as possible; laying a foundation of tools to build stronger Black families for future generations of Black fathers. This should be viewed as a small task when compared to our ancestors who were able to be proactive Black fathers while enduring the harshest physical and mental treatment known to mankind. It's time to reconnect.

SOURCE: BlackFatherhood.com

Celebrating Black Fatherhood, by Ruthe McDonald

2009-06-13T01:59:10Z

There are many stories celebrating Black mothers. It is well known that Black women have for years, been the back-bone of their family and community. Yet we often do not take the time to celebrate, as often, the diligence and strength of our Black fathers. Although you will not find it on any national calendar or see greeting cards paying homage to it; this week is Black Fatherhood week. Unaware to many, Black Fatherhood week strives to connect the men in the Black community and celebrate the hard work and triumphs that they have accomplished in their lives as fathers.

We hear so many stories that degrade our Black men, but rarely hear of stories that elevate and celebrate our Black fathers, and acknowledge their accomplishments and dedication to their families.

During these celebrations, groups of Black fathers and young Black men come together and celebrate one another and discuss what they can do to help stimulate and revitalize their communities.

Source: BellaOnline

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Father's Day and a New Angle on the Prodigal Son, by Wayne Jacobsen

2009-06-13T01:57:41Z

One of the most beloved stories that Jesus told has been called the Parable of the Prodigal Son. Many have identified with his need for mercy after his excursion into arrogance and stupidity.

By focusing on the prodigal son, however, we miss the central lesson of the parable. The central character in this story is not the son, but the father. Perhaps if we called it the Parable of the Incredible Father we'd find it easier to focus on the portrait Jesus painted of him.

]]> He is like no father you have ever known and with Father's Day approaching, it might be an appropriate time to reexamine this familiar story from an unfamiliar angle.

There are two sons in this story, not one. And neither one of them had a loving relationship with their father. The younger son saw him only as a conduit to his own pleasures, the elder as a taskmaster that made him serve in the fields. While they were both in the house, neither was at home in his love.

The actions of the father throughout are shocking. His arrogant son dishonored him by asking for his inheritance while his father was still alive. Rather than force his son to stay and deepen his hostility, the father gave him his share and let him go. The son squandered his inheritance on his own pleasures and ended up destitute and alone.

All the while the Father waited. Parents who have watched their sons or daughters make bad choices know that waiting is far more difficult than prodding or nagging. But wait the father did, for a marvelous thing to happen - to let the son come to his senses.

We soon found out just how expectant that waiting was. Years later when the son returned, the father spotted him while he was still a long way off. He had never stopped scanning the horizon against hope that one day his boy would come home. Now the waiting was over. The father ran to embrace him, showing him that nothing his son had done in the intervening years had compromised that love.

Soon the older brother found out that his younger brother had come home to dad's open arms. He exploded in anger, refusing to come to the house and join the lavish party. When the father approached him, he complained that he had never pursued his own aims, but had slaved tirelessly on his dad's farm. Though a son, he lived as a slave and saw every request of his father as an onerous chore. On the day of his father's greatest joy, he sought to destroy it with his own anger. Now we know he didn't have any better relationship with his father than his brother had had.

Though the father deeply loved both of his children, neither of them embraced that love. Jesus' point is clear. There are two ways to run from God. We see that more easily in the younger son who ran into rebellion, satisfying his own selfish desires.

It is harder to see it in those who run headlong into religious activities thinking they can impress God with their commitment. They slave away for him only because they fear the consequences if they don't. Like the Pharisees Jesus told this story to, they feel justified by their anger at more obvious sins of others. But they, too, never come to realize the depth of God's love for them.

All that the father wanted both of them to know was how deeply they were loved. It wasn't their obedience he wanted most, but their affection. As a parent of adult children, I understand that. There's nothing I prize more with my children than those moments when we share the honesty and intimacy of friendship. When they know I love them, and they respond in love with me, there's nothing better.

God feels the same way about you. He's not interested in your service or sacrifice. He only wants you to know how much you are loved, hoping that you will choose to love him in return. Understand that, and everything else about your life will fall into place; miss that, and nothing else will make any difference.

Adapted from Wayne Jacobsen's book, "He Loves Me: Learning to Live in the Father's Affection."

Wayne Jacobsen is the author of He Loves Me: Learning to Live in the Father's Affection. Used with permission, courtesy of A. Larry Ross Communications.

Source: Crosswalk

Barack Obama's 2008 Father's Day Speech

2009-06-13T01:55:53Z

]]> Good morning. It's good to be home on this Father's Day with my girls, and it's an honor to spend some time with all of you today in the house of our Lord.

At the end of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus closes by saying, "Whoever hears these words of mine, and does them, shall be likened to a wise man who built his house upon a rock: and the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house, and it fell not, for it was founded upon a rock." [Matthew 7: 24-25]

Here at Apostolic, you are blessed to worship in a house that has been founded on the rock of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. But it is also built on another rock, another foundation - and that rock is Bishop Arthur Brazier. In forty-eight years, he has built this congregation from just a few hundred to more than 20,000 strong - a congregation that, because of his leadership, has braved the fierce winds and heavy rains of violence and poverty; joblessness and hopelessness. Because of his work and his ministry, there are more graduates and fewer gang members in the neighborhoods surrounding this church. There are more homes and fewer homeless. There is more community and less chaos because Bishop Brazier continued the march for justice that he began by Dr. King's side all those years ago. He is the reason this house has stood tall for half a century. And on this Father's Day, it must make him proud to know that the man now charged with keeping its foundation strong is his son and your new pastor, Reverend Byron Brazier.

Of all the rocks upon which we build our lives, we are reminded today that family is the most important. And we are called to recognize and honor how critical every father is to that foundation. They are teachers and coaches. They are mentors and role models. They are examples of success and the men who constantly push us toward it.

But if we are honest with ourselves, we'll admit that what too many fathers also are is missing - missing from too many lives and too many homes. They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men. And the foundations of our families are weaker because of it.

You and I know how true this is in the African-American community. We know that more than half of all black children live in single-parent households, a number that has doubled - doubled - since we were children. We know the statistics - that children who grow up without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime; nine times more likely to drop out of schools and twenty times more likely to end up in prison. They are more likely to have behavioral problems, or run away from home, or become teenage parents themselves. And the foundations of our community are weaker because of it.

How many times in the last year has this city lost a child at the hands of another child? How many times have our hearts stopped in the middle of the night with the sound of a gunshot or a siren? How many teenagers have we seen hanging around on street corners when they should be sitting in a classroom? How many are sitting in prison when they should be working, or at least looking for a job? How many in this generation are we willing to lose to poverty or violence or addiction? How many?

Yes, we need more cops on the street. Yes, we need fewer guns in the hands of people who shouldn't have them. Yes, we need more money for our schools, and more outstanding teachers in the classroom, and more afterschool programs for our children. Yes, we need more jobs and more job training and more opportunity in our communities.

But we also need families to raise our children. We need fathers to realize that responsibility does not end at conception. We need them to realize that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child - it's the courage to raise one.

We need to help all the mothers out there who are raising these kids by themselves; the mothers who drop them off at school, go to work, pick up them up in the afternoon, work another shift, get dinner, make lunches, pay the bills, fix the house, and all the other things it takes both parents to do. So many of these women are doing a heroic job, but they need support. They need another parent. Their children need another parent. That's what keeps their foundation strong. It's what keeps the foundation of our country strong.

I know what it means to have an absent father, although my circumstances weren't as tough as they are for many young people today. Even though my father left us when I was two years old, and I only knew him from the letters he wrote and the stories that my family told, I was luckier than most. I grew up in Hawaii, and had two wonderful grandparents from Kansas who poured everything they had into helping my mother raise my sister and me - who worked with her to teach us about love and respect and the obligations we have to one another. I screwed up more often than I should've, but I got plenty of second chances. And even though we didn't have a lot of money, scholarships gave me the opportunity to go to some of the best schools in the country. A lot of kids don't get these chances today. There is no margin for error in their lives. So my own story is different in that way.

Still, I know the toll that being a single parent took on my mother - how she struggled at times to the pay bills; to give us the things that other kids had; to play all the roles that both parents are supposed to play. And I know the toll it took on me. So I resolved many years ago that it was my obligation to break the cycle - that if I could be anything in life, I would be a good father to my girls; that if I could give them anything, I would give them that rock - that foundation - on which to build their lives. And that would be the greatest gift I could offer.

I say this knowing that I have been an imperfect father - knowing that I have made mistakes and will continue to make more; wishing that I could be home for my girls and my wife more than I am right now. I say this knowing all of these things because even as we are imperfect, even as we face difficult circumstances, there are still certain lessons we must strive to live and learn as fathers - whether we are black or white; rich or poor; from the South Side or the wealthiest suburb.

The first is setting an example of excellence for our children - because if we want to set high expectations for them, we've got to set high expectations for ourselves. It's great if you have a job; it's even better if you have a college degree. It's a wonderful thing if you are married and living in a home with your children, but don't just sit in the house and watch "SportsCenter" all weekend long. That's why so many children are growing up in front of the television. As fathers and parents, we've got to spend more time with them, and help them with their homework, and replace the video game or the remote control with a book once in awhile. That's how we build that foundation.

We know that education is everything to our children's future. We know that they will no longer just compete for good jobs with children from Indiana, but children from India and China and all over the world. We know the work and the studying and the level of education that requires.

You know, sometimes I'll go to an eighth-grade graduation and there's all that pomp and circumstance and gowns and flowers. And I think to myself, it's just eighth grade. To really compete, they need to graduate high school, and then they need to graduate college, and they probably need a graduate degree too. An eighth-grade education doesn't cut it today. Let's give them a handshake and tell them to get their butts back in the library!

It's up to us - as fathers and parents - to instill this ethic of excellence in our children. It's up to us to say to our daughters, don't ever let images on TV tell you what you are worth, because I expect you to dream without limit and reach for those goals. It's up to us to tell our sons, those songs on the radio may glorify violence, but in my house we live glory to achievement, self respect, and hard work. It's up to us to set these high expectations. And that means meeting those expectations ourselves. That means setting examples of excellence in our own lives.

The second thing we need to do as fathers is pass along the value of empathy to our children. Not sympathy, but empathy - the ability to stand in somebody else's shoes; to look at the world through their eyes. Sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in "us," that we forget about our obligations to one another. There's a culture in our society that says remembering these obligations is somehow soft - that we can't show weakness, and so therefore we can't show kindness.

But our young boys and girls see that. They see when you are ignoring or mistreating your wife. They see when you are inconsiderate at home; or when you are distant; or when you are thinking only of yourself. And so it's no surprise when we see that behavior in our schools or on our streets. That's why we pass on the values of empathy and kindness to our children by living them. We need to show our kids that you're not strong by putting other people down - you're strong by lifting them up. That's our responsibility as fathers.

And by the way - it's a responsibility that also extends to Washington. Because if fathers are doing their part; if they're taking our responsibilities seriously to be there for their children, and set high expectations for them, and instill in them a sense of excellence and empathy, then our government should meet them halfway.

We should be making it easier for fathers who make responsible choices and harder for those who avoid them. We should get rid of the financial penalties we impose on married couples right now, and start making sure that every dime of child support goes directly to helping children instead of some bureaucrat. We should reward fathers who pay that child support with job training and job opportunities and a larger Earned Income Tax Credit that can help them pay the bills. We should expand programs where registered nurses visit expectant and new mothers and help them learn how to care for themselves before the baby is born and what to do after - programs that have helped increase father involvement, women's employment, and children's readiness for school. We should help these new families care for their children by expanding maternity and paternity leave, and we should guarantee every worker more paid sick leave so they can stay home to take care of their child without losing their income.

We should take all of these steps to build a strong foundation for our children. But we should also know that even if we do; even if we meet our obligations as fathers and parents; even if Washington does its part too, we will still face difficult challenges in our lives. There will still be days of struggle and heartache. The rains will still come and the winds will still blow.

And that is why the final lesson we must learn as fathers is also the greatest gift we can pass on to our children - and that is the gift of hope.

I'm not talking about an idle hope that's little more than blind optimism or willful ignorance of the problems we face. I'm talking about hope as that spirit inside us that insists, despite all evidence to the contrary, that something better is waiting for us if we're willing to work for it and fight for it. If we are willing to believe.

I was answering questions at a town hall meeting in Wisconsin the other day and a young man raised his hand, and I figured he'd ask about college tuition or energy or maybe the war in Iraq. But instead he looked at me very seriously and he asked, "What does life mean to you?"

Now, I have to admit that I wasn't quite prepared for that one. I think I stammered for a little bit, but then I stopped and gave it some thought, and I said this:

When I was a young man, I thought life was all about me - how do I make my way in the world, and how do I become successful and how do I get the things that I want.

But now, my life revolves around my two little girls. And what I think about is what kind of world I'm leaving them. Are they living in a county where there's a huge gap between a few who are wealthy and a whole bunch of people who are struggling every day? Are they living in a county that is still divided by race? A country where, because they're girls, they don't have as much opportunity as boys do? Are they living in a country where we are hated around the world because we don't cooperate effectively with other nations? Are they living a world that is in grave danger because of what we've done to its climate?

And what I've realized is that life doesn't count for much unless you're willing to do your small part to leave our children - all of our children - a better world. Even if it's difficult. Even if the work seems great. Even if we don't get very far in our lifetime.

That is our ultimate responsibility as fathers and parents. We try. We hope. We do what we can to build our house upon the sturdiest rock. And when the winds come, and the rains fall, and they beat upon that house, we keep faith that our Father will be there to guide us, and watch over us, and protect us, and lead His children through the darkest of storms into light of a better day. That is my prayer for all of us on this Father's Day, and that is my hope for this country in the years ahead. May God Bless you and your children. Thank you.

Honoring Fatherhood, by Rebecca Hagelin

2009-06-13T01:53:33Z

Recently I saw a MasterCard commercial in which a pre-teen son arrogantly "teaches" the father environmental lessons while grocery shopping. Right after the son shows dad the silly earth-preserving "importance" of buying a reusable grocery bag, the tagline appears: "Helping dad become a better man? Priceless." ]]> Such subtle messages about the supremacy of children over their dads are now common. Turn on the television and watch just about any channel for one evening and a particularly disgusting pattern begins to emerge: the "dad" is often portrayed as wimpy, ignorant and doltish. Everyone is smarter and more mature. Nearly everyone else is also more attractive and physically fit. You would think that all fathers have actually become Homer Simpson.

The unmistakable message behind such carefully crafted ads and images is that dads are disposable -- they don't really contribute much to the family other than being the brunt of jokes. In a time when many homes are marked by absentee fathers, the last thing we need to be beating up on fatherhood in general.

Yet, "dad" seems to be the only person in modern society who it is acceptable to belittle.To what extent does such treatment pervert our son's developing attitudes about the men they are expected to become? And why would we teach our daughters that there's no real hope or need to marry a strong, reliable man of character? Timeless messages about the wisdom of fathers in shows like "Father Knows Best" have disappeared. They just aren't "politically correct."

As a wife and mother of two young men who are being raised in an anti-male culture that spews the mantra of radical feminism, I'd like to say a few words to America's dads: We need you.

Loving fathers are critical to the development of children. And the truth is that every woman is a better person when she has a good man to rely on. Dads are not an "optional" family accessory to be tossed in the corner like dirty socks or trampled on like a door mat. We should reject the attitudes of both women who treat them that way and of any man who has bought the lie and started assuming the loser role. And we need to let our boys know that one of the greatest contributions they can make as adults is to be strong fathers who are committed to their families.

Social science data proves that loving fathers provide a vital dose of security and stability to their children and wives. When fathers are absent, children and moms suffer. For example, teenage pregnancy rates are up to eight times higher in girls who lack a dad's presnce in early childhood.Children with engaged dads are half as likely to experience depression. Only 25 percent as likely to drop out of school as children without dads. And single-parent mothering is the single greatest cause of childhood poverty.

A great gift to affirm the man in your life is the new book, The Kind of Man Every Man Should Be: Taking a Stand for True Masculinity. Author Kevin McCullough brilliantly explains the high value that God places on fathers. Through chapters like "Behave with Dignity," "Act with Clarity" and "Love with Generosity," McCullough equips fathers to lead in spite of a culture that tells them not to. One of my favorite chapters is, "So Open the Door for Her Anyway." (Please do, gentlemen. Most women secretly love it!)

To good husbands and dads everywhere, thank you for what you contribute to your families and to society. And to wives and mothers, let's make sure we affirm the men in our lives and teach our children to respect them too. A good man is a priceless blessing from God. Let's remember to treat them like the treasures they are.

Rebecca Hagelin is a public speaker on the family and culture and the author of the new best seller, 30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family. Visit her website at www.HowToSaveYourFamily.com. where you can sign up to receive her free e-newsletter containing the Culture Challenge of the Week and how to fight back. Hagelin is also senior communications fellow for The Heritage Foundation.

Source: 880 AM WRFD The Word

God Has Smiled on Me: A Tribute to a Black Father who Stayed and a Tribute to all Black Fathers who Stay, by Daniel Whyte III

2009-06-13T01:50:40Z

Daniel Whyte III's father, Rev. Daniel White, Jr., was not a perfect man, but he loved his family dearly. And even though there were many problems in the family, Rev. White did what so many black fathers today do not do--he stayed with his family through thick and thin. This book is a tribute to him--a father who stayed.

"If we are honest with ourselves, we'll admit that what too many fathers also are is missing--missing from too many lives and too many homes. They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men. And the foundations of our families are weaker because of it."

--President Barack Obama

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The Chapters Below will Inspire You to be the Best Father that You Can Be:

The Importance of Fathers Staying
What Great Men Have Said About Their Fathers
Great Black Fathers Besides My Own Father
A Tribute to My Father's Legacy
...and much more

Available June 15th, 2009. Pre-order Today on BlackCBC.com, GospelLightBookstore.com, and StPaulChristianBookstore.com. Order from Amazon.com on Monday, June 15th, for two day delivery.

Dr. Ben Carson's Thoughts on Fatherhood: From Brain Surgery to Raising Sons

2009-06-13T01:47:25Z

Dr. Ben Carson is a Baltimore icon.

He rose from a disadvantaged childhood to become the director of Pediatric Neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital where he has performed thousands of intricate surgeries including the first separation of Siamese twins joined at the back of the head.

]]> He has authored several books including his autobiography "Gifted Hands," which was recently made into a movie. And he has been awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest honor granted to a civilian. He accomplished all of this and more while he and his wife, Candy, raised three boys -- Murray, 25; Benjamin Jr., 23; and Rhoeyce, 22.

We caught up with Dr. Carson recently to ask him about fatherhood: What lessons on parenting he took from the single mother who raised him with little education of her own, how he found time in his busy schedule to parent his boys, and what a brilliant brain surgeon has learned from being a dad.

Q. You credit much of your success to your mother. Did you follow in her footsteps in how you went about parenting your sons?

Yes, most definitely, in the sense that there was not a lot of television and there was a lot of reading and a lot of family discussions in our home. I never let (my children) wallow in pity or feel like victims. Those were the key ingredients (in my home growing up). My mother made it clear that if you wanted something, you needed to work for it.

Q. How were you able to make time for your family while balancing such a demanding career?

That was probably one of the most challenging things. I always say, "Where there's a will, there's a way." If you really want to do it, you will do it - even though you are doing 500 operations a year, traveling all over and doing a million other things.

I discovered that if I required people to provide for my family where ever I went, they would, and it worked out beautifully. My three boys, my mother, my wife and I went all over the world. My boys even had frequent flier miles. It was great. We spent a lot of time together. Otherwise, they would have grown up not knowing who I was. I would have been a phantom to them. It was not a big problem when they were small. In middle and high school, we would just take weekends or take a day off of school.

We also made a point of always taking family vacations every year. We went to different places like Zion National Park, various resorts, Europe vacations and Egypt.

Q. Your mother raised you and your brother alone. How did that effect the role you, as a father, took in your boys lives?

I obviously wanted to make sure they didn't have to face that. They have a strong father figure in their lives and know what a father should be -- someone to provide all the support the family needs; financial, emotional, set an example and also provide the fun times. It is also very important, since I had three sons, that they see how you are suppose to treat your wife. Boys tend to model what they see.

Q. Since your boys had a more privileged childhood, did you expect more of them?

Not necessarily. In fact, I frequently tell them that I think they were more disadvantaged than I was. They grew up never needing anything. They knew nothing of hardship. We even tried to create hardships to toughen them up. I believe that's important. If they wanted something, they had to work for it. If they didn't have certain things done they had to do, there were consequences.

They need to learn to not be willing to give up in the face of adversity. Sometimes people growing up in a privileged environment don't get that. I am probably one of the few voices out there who says that a disadvantaged life is not necessarily a disadvantage.

Q. Do you think it was intimidating for your sons to have such a successful man as a father? Where are they now and what are they doing?

Yes, I'm sure it had an effect because everyone has such huge expectations. You can't be normal. My middle son went to college and told everyone his name was Sol (his middle name was Solomon) because he was Ben Carson. But it didn't take long before everyone figured out who he was.

I always made it clear that the only thing I wanted from them was to be successful and productive members of society. What they went into didn't matter to me. I think on their own they concluded that I worked too hard, so they all decided to go into something else. Murray is an engineer with Lockheed Martin, B.J. is a wealth management advisor with Warner Co. and Rhoeyce is an accountant with Rolls Accounting Firm. They all live locally.

Q. What is the most important lesson you learned as a father?

You have to demonstrate the life lessons you want to teach your children. You can't just preach. Kids have a built-in hypocrisy antennae. As soon as you say one thing and do something else, it comes out and blocks what you have to say.

The other thing is that all parents worry about their kids, but those early years are your best time to impart values and principles in them. If you wait until the teenage years, it's too late.

And let me make one societal comment. I think fathers are incredibly important for the development of well-rounded children -- boys and girls. I do have a little disagreement with the forces of political correctness that say they aren't important. By the same token, fathers themselves need to recognize when they have created a baby, they have a responsibility. Don't just leave it with the girl and say it was just a good time.

SOURCE: Maryland Family Magazine