Jeffrey gave a thought-provoking lecture at a conference where I spoke, hosted in Oxford, England, by the C. S. Lewis Foundation. Jeffrey argues that the downgrading of fatherhood is not just a product of a handful of mediocre sitcoms; it is a significant cultural pattern that can be traced back many years to serious literature.

Samuel Butler's famous novel The Way of All Flesh, published in 1903, is a good example. In the novel, Butler savagely satirized his own father, portraying him as a pompous fool -- a portrayal that made a deep impression on Butler's audience.

It was another well-known novelist, James Joyce, who later took the same kind of father hatred and extended it toward the Catholic faith in which he had been raised. These cultural signposts pointed to something deeper going on. It was made explicit in the writings of Freud, with his theories on the rejection of the father, and Nietzsche, who famously wrote about the death of God. It was no accident that a widespread rebellion against faith was going on at the same time as this rejection of fatherhood. Somewhere in all of this, the idea of the beauty of a father's strong, self-sacrificial love -- an idea expressed by religious poets and thinkers, like Gerard Manley Hopkins and St. Augustine -- was lost.

As Jeffrey explained, we see fathers as symbols of responsibility and authority -- much the same way that we see God.  

Source: Crosswalk.com | Chuck Colson

Jordan Thierry, over the course of six years, began asking African American men what fatherhood means to them.

He tells WGIL that, surprisingly, the African American community doesn't talk about it's history enough.

"We as African American folks don't know our entire legacy," says Thierry. "We know bits and pieces of it and really important parts of it, but then there's a lot that hasn't been talked about for a long time and I think to come to solutions, you have to talk about some of the bad things in our history."

Thierry's parents reside in Galesburg and he spent most of his summer's in town.

Those in attendance broke into work groups to discuss fatherhood from several perspectives.

Source: WGIL.com

The findings were published June 15 in the Journal of Early Adolescence.

"There are relatively few studies that highlight the unique role of fathers," study co-author Laura Padilla-Walker, a professor in BYU's School of Family Life, said in a university news release. "This research also helps to establish that traits such as persistence -- which can be taught -- are key to a child's life success."

Well, maybe the story above is just that to you- a story. Boys and girls around the country today are feeling and thinking exactly like that even right this very moment. The ones that it can hit the hardest are the ones like the girl in this story who did not have a father. Some children turn to suicide, some turn to drugs, alcohol, sex, robbery and maybe even some to murder. They try all these things to get rid of the pain, the pain of not having a father around who loves them and provides for them. The father is important in the growth and development of his children in many ways. He gives them their definition of normal; he affects each child's life in a different but equally important way. The father can affect his children in two different ways either negatively as in the story above or positively. He affects his children's development in three main ways: Spiritually, Physically and Emotionally. It is therefore vitally important for the father to realize how important it is for him to be in the home

God created man to be the leader of the home, the provider and the protector. In Scripture God commands a man to be "sober minded, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience." (Titus 2:2) The father is also commanded by God to love his wife, as God loves the church and gave himself for it. (Eph. 5:25-30) In I Peter 3:7, it says "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to the knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and being heirs together of the grace of life; that our prayers be not hindered." The children are to look to their father especially for spiritual counsel and guidance. They receive this by watching their father's life as much as they do by talking to him. Many children will follow in the footsteps of their fathers when it comes to a belief in God or not. God put the father in the position as leader in the home, but the father is also a picture of God Himself. Gordon Dalbey in his book Father and Son: The Wound, the Healing, the Call to Manhood, states, "If I ask a man, how is your relationship with God? All too often, he replies God's out there with other people but he is not here with me. When I ask, how close was your father to you, in nearly ever case I hear stories of how Dad was never there for me." Charles Stanley one of todays most noted preachers; was affected by his father even though his father died when he was young.  He was a workaholic for many years of his ministry. He actually worked so much that he worked himself sick; now he was out of commission and awaiting surgery. He says that when he was in the hospital God showed him that all these years he felt like he had to earn God's acceptance and love yet that is how he felt about his father before he died. Many teachers, preachers and councilors have said that the way a man or woman looks at God is a reflection on how they viewed their father. If they saw their father as an abusive, slandering person, then that is how they see God - always bringing down the hammer and pushing His way on them. If they saw their father as a loving father who never punished them, then, they will see God that way also. If they saw their father as someone who never paid any attention to them and did not care if they lived or died, that is exactly how they will see God. The impact the father has on his son or daughter's spiritual life is very evident and it must be treated with honor. Jesus stated in Matthew 18:6, "But whosoever shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it was better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea."

The second way the father affects his children is physically. Yes, he helped create them when his sperm combined with the mother's egg and the baby was formed in the mother's womb, but the affect the father has on his children goes far beyond that. It goes to the way they act and think. It is a little different here for boys and girls. For boys the father's physical presence in the home is needed to teach the boy to be a man, to teach him how to play ball, to stand up for himself and what he believes in. He also teaches his son as he gets older how to treat a woman. Usually this is done not by words but by seeing how their father treats their mother. Dr. Schaller says that "Children often tend to imitate the same behavior as their fathers." This will affect the way they talk to a woman, look at a woman and treat her. The father is also to teach their sons what to do with sexual thoughts that creep up especially as the boy reaches his teenage years. If these boys are not taught what to do with these thoughts, then they will eventually become desires that are too strong to run from.

What we say and how we react is vitally important when failure occurs. If a child fails in something or has problems, encouraging things to say are: "How are you feeling about your score? I'm sad for you because I know you studied hard for the test and still did not get a grade that reflected your effort. What have you thought of to make things better next time?" In a similar way, "How would you like to handle things with your basketball coach? I'm sure you will come up with something that will work."

Another element of encouragement is to reinforce successive approximations to a goal to reinforce movement in a desired direction. You may say, "I saw you show self control with your sister. Did you see it?" You may say this to a child even though that week he may have fought with his sibling a few times. The principle is to reward movement to the goal.

Rather than only reinforcing the content, you can reinforce the process. The process is the effort in the experience. This can be reinforced whether the goal has been achieved or not. "I know you worked hard even though you did not get an award. I'm glad you are learning how to do hard work and I'm sure it will help you in the long run." Recent research confirms that people whose efforts are praised more than their outcomes persevere in tasks longer than others.

Of course correct answers for most things in life are necessary. We can't just reinforce the process to the exclusion of the content. A healthy balance with encouragement at the process level will help children the most.

However, did these qualifications make Eli a great father in his own home? Apparently not. The Bible tells us of his two sons, Hophni and Phinehas. These young men were corrupt and took advantage of their privileged position as sons of the priest. The Bible says that they took the meat offered in sacrifice before the fat had been burned off according to the law, thus treating the Lord's sacrifices with contempt. They unlawfully had sexual intercourse with the women who served at the entrance of the Tabernacle. Their sinful conduct was obvious to everyone but Eli chose to look the other way.

God sent a prophet to confront and condemn Eli. He accused him of honoring his sons more than God. Some parental problems have been around since the beginning of time. Don't we often overlook disobedience because we can't bear to punish our children as they deserve? Failure to discipline according to what is right is a fatal flaw. Eli lost the honored position that God had given him and his family. God had promised that Eli's house would minister before Him forever. But, with the curse, Eli's descendants would never even see old age. God later sent young Samuel with a similar prophesy. Eli knew God's will for him. He said, " Let the Lord do what is good in His eye." But he failed to act upon what he knew.

It happened many years ago, but I still remember the lesson I learned from the near disaster in the Loritts home.

I wanted to get out of our apartment to cool off, so I turned to walk out the door. As I did, I passed by our first child, Bryan, a toddler at the time, who was sitting in the middle of the living room floor. I walked out the door and slammed it behind me, and when I did the glass in the door shattered and sprayed around the living room floor.

When I heard the sound of the breaking glass, I felt a wave of panic as I remembered that Bryan was sitting close to the door. I spun around to see that my son was surrounded by shards of glass but that he miraculously was not injured. I can still see him sitting there, jagged pieces of glass mere inches from him.

Crawford, your outburst of anger could have hurt your son very badly, I thought.

I was so grateful that Bryan wasn't hurt by my tantrum. And I was grateful for the lesson this incident taught me. To this day, whenever I am tempted to engage in an outburst of anger, God brings that scene back to my mind.

We need to make sure we have control over our anger. Although some Bible teachers and preachers might assert that anger itself is a sin, it is a God-given emotion that has its place in a godly life, as long as it is kept under control. Anger becomes sin when we lose control of it--when it controls us.

This kind of anger--anger that is based on human emotion and not on godly wisdom--is poison to relationships of all kinds. Marriages, friendships, business partnerships, and parent-child relationships suffer and even die when uncontrolled anger is allowed to enter the picture. The apostle James had this to say about anger:

Laura decided that she wanted to go where her older brothers and sisters went to shop at the time--Abercrombie and Fitch. There she found a beautiful baby blue sweater, and she went to the dressing room to try it on. While I was waiting I noticed a life-sized poster of a young man completely nude, leaning up on a boat dock knee deep in water. The shot was from behind, but I had not asked to see that guy chilling in his birthday suit.

I stood there looking at that poster thinking that I thought this was a clothing store and how inappropriate that was for my daughter and other girls. Finally I asked if I could please talk with the manager. The young man, who couldn't have been over 30, came over and I greeted him with a smile. I shared with him that I had six children and was a good customer; then I said very kindly, "This picture ... I'm sorry, but it's just indecent."  I thought I'd get agreement.

Instead he quipped, "I beg to differ with you, sir. By whose standards?" 

A little stunned by his response, I replied with measured firmness, "By any standard of real morality."

By that time, Laura had wandered back with her sweater. I pointed to the picture of the chiseled, buff-buddy's buns, looked the manager squarely in the eyes, and said, "Sir, if that picture is not indecent, then I'd like you to drop your pants and get in a similar pose to that guy in the picture."

He looked at the picture, then my daughter, and back at me. He looked like a deer in the headlights. There was a moment of silence, full of anticipation. Then he shook his head and said, "Huh-uh."

I probably shouldn't have pressed the point, but I added, "Come on, you said that picture is not indecent. Come on, drop 'em." 

"Huh-uh."

I smiled and said, "You know, it's a good thing you didn't drop your pants, because you could have been arrested for indecent exposure." 

Then he replied, "Well, if you think that's bad, you should see our catalog." 

So I went over and opened the catalog. One photo showed four teenage girls in bed with a boy; I'm not sure what they were advertising--maybe bedsheets--because none of them had clothes on. I pushed the catalog back and said, "I'd like you to take my name and phone number. I'd like someone from your corporate office to give me a call." 

To which he politely said, "Sir, I can take your name and address but they're not interested. They really don't care what you think."

My response was kind, but firm: "I just want you to know I'm just one customer. I'm just a daddy of six kids, but I've got a lot of friends. And I want you to know that wherever I go, I'm going to use this episode as an illustration of a company that doesn't care about the future of our young people, their morality, or the future of our nation."

I figure I've shared the story with about five million people on various radio broadcasts, speaking at conferences, and in writing.

-Phil 3:13-14 (NASB)

That is the way I used to see myself: as an unfit dad with a life that was barely holding together. That is, until I had a personal encounter with Jesus Christ and He began to not only restore me, but build me into a better father (said with all humility) than I could have ever imagined. I now see challenges as opportunities and trials as tests to grow in my faith. Has life gotten any easier since I came to Christ? Not really. However, I am now more equipped than ever to handle the tough times and die to self to become more like Him.  Let's look into this.  

In general, I would say the majority of single dads are the noncustodial parent, that is, mom has primary physical custody. This may or may not be the case in your life, but even we dads with 50/50 parenting time are still experiencing loss on a regular basis. I also learned that NO ONE is a perfect parent, and we will all fail our kids one way or another, big or small. I don't want to focus on the negatives, so I will draw from the few personal examples I gave above to help you discern between the truth God speaks to us daily and the lies our enemy so delicately (or not) likes to slip in our minds constantly as well.  

Jesus called Satan the "father of lies" in John 8:44. There is no truth in our adversary. He either lies completely, or takes the truth and twists about- as he did in Matthew 4:6. He is very slick at getting to our minds and can be quite successful if we are not standing on a solid foundation in Christ. Even then, we must constantly pursue the Lord through prayer and Scripture to arm ourselves for battle. Here are a few examples of situations you may regularly encounter as a single father, the lie that is presented to you, and the TRUTH behind it based on God's Word.  

The Lie: "You are missing out on the fun and important times with your kids; and they are suffering because of you."

The Truth: Ecclesiastes 9:10 states, "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might..." (NIV) My best friend said it perfectly when I first became a father and was facing parenting time challenges: "Even if you have her only one hour a week" he said, "make it THE BEST hour of her week!" I've found over the years that it is not the quantity of time I spend with my daughter, but the quality. So many parents miss this on a daily basis.

Kent Nerburn, Letters to My Son

Men, you are the leaders of your families. You might be reluctant to assume that role. You might even deny that it falls to you. Nonetheless, you are your family's de facto leader, whether you choose to believe it or not.

You may not think of yourself as being particularly influential or even successful in life. Maybe you don't make a lot of money, lead a large group of people, save lives, or invent amazing gadgets. Maybe life has even beaten you down, and you've lost confidence in your abilities. Consequently, you don't think of yourself as a big deal. But you can bet your boy does. He thinks you're a very big deal. He doesn't know or care what the outside world thinks. He only knows that between the walls of your home, you are about the biggest, wisest, most powerful person alive. Oh, he knows you're not perfect. But he doesn't care, because you're just good enough to be indispensable in his life.

Fathering is at the heart of masculinity, of what it means to be a man. Godly fathers put others' needs before their own. If you're like me, you spend the majority of your conscious thought and effort on satisfying your own wants and needs. It's almost an automatic response to life. But if we are to be authentic men and fathers, we need to rethink that attitude and consciously make sacrifices so others can benefit and prosper.

When fathers neglect this duty or are absent from the home, families are attacked by predators. Young men, such as gang members, who are raised without the influence of older men often become marauding wolves themselves--predators preying on women and children for their own self-gratification.

Families are like flocks of sheep. Children, like lambs, are naive and simple in their understanding of the world. Fathers are like sheepdogs, guarding the flock from marauding wolves. We protect our families from human predators and from corrupt television programs, movies, music, books, friends, and other people or influences that enter into a child's life.

By the way, sheepdogs come from the wolf genus, so they are no stranger to wolves' traits and habits. Fitting, isn't it? We dads often find the hackles rising on our necks when we sense a wolf in sheep's clothing parading around our kids. I once told my teenage daughter, "I might not always know why, but I know a wolf when I see one; I can sense him." Of course, my daughter says that I think all boys are wolves, but I just tell her that's because I used to be one. It takes one to know one.

When I was dating, I was, like all young guys, deathly afraid of the fathers of the girls I went out with. If the majority of fathers showed any interest in meeting the boys their daughters were dating, I suspect that nearly all young men would be forced to remain celibate until marriage.

The other day I stopped by an apartment complex to visit a young boy whose single mother had asked me to meet with him. As I pulled into the large complex, I noticed at least thirty-five or forty kids playing in the parking lot. The kids were of all ages, from toddlers up to teenagers. Several of the older boys were wearing gang attire, aggressively posturing, smoking pot, and swearing loudly. A number of young ladies wearing suggestive clothing were hanging around them, trying to get their attention. Rap music was blaring from a speaker for all the kids to hear, no matter how young. The lyrics of the song were so vulgar that they would have embarrassed the sailors on the Navy ship I was once stationed on. Yet these children played amidst this chaos as if it were a normal part of growing up. The only adults around were a few predatory men who skirted the perimeter of the action, looking for weakened prey.

Here are five questions that every father should take time to answer. They are as follows:

2. Caring for Self. The 24/7 Dad takes care of himself. He gets annual physicals, eats the right foods, works out to stay in shape, and learns about the world he lives in. He has a strong connection to his family and community, and chooses friends who support his healthy choices. The 24/7 Dad models for his children that he respects and likes himself because he makes good choices.

3. Fathering Skills. The 24/7 Dad knows his role in the family. He knows he is a model for his sons on how to be a good man and father and for his daughters on what they should look for in a husband and father for their children. He knows that, if possible, he should be involved in the daily life of his children; from getting them up, dressed and fed in the mornings to attending parent-teacher conferences, to supporting them in sports and other interests and activities, to helping them with their homework, to tucking them in at night. The 24/7 Dad uses his knowledge of the unique skills he and his wife/the mother of his children brings to raising his children. In other words, he knows the difference between "fathering" and "mothering."

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A study done by the Pew Research Center found that 47 percent of Americans believe fathers are doing a worse job at parenting than previous fathers of the last 20-30 years. 

Societal factors such as outside influences, peer pressure and interruptions and distractions from technology are the main challenges men face against being good fathers today, according to the same Pew study. 

"Families can go on a road trip, and what are they doing?" asked Jon Swaner, 37. "They're watching the built in TV or they have ear buds in. No one is talking to one another."

People of all ages are so connected to technology, that they are slowly losing touch with people right around them. 

Smartphones have almost replaced teething rings in some homes. Most smart phones have special child modes which allow a young child to play with the phone without accessing anything they can disrupt. There are cellular phones designed just for preteen children that come in funky colors with game applications. Parents also have to fight for their children's attention from countless video games, social networking and other media. Unfortunately, it seems too many fathers have not overcame this challenge. 

Jon Swaner, an Indiana State University lecturer in communication, believes in the power of simply spending quality time with his 11-year-old daughter, Cami. 

"You have to be there when your kid needs you," Swaner said. "Being there when she has those bad days at school, or when she's scared, unsure of herself -- That is when the real bonding takes place."

The Pew study also indicated the public belief that modern fathers are failing to teach their children morals and failing to effectively discipline them. 

Dr. Jim Jacobs, Indiana State University professor of special education, has a very straightforward view on teaching children to make appropriate decisions independently. 

"I taught my daughter a modified version of the same basic life rules my father taught me," Jacobs said. "Whatever you choose to do in life, first ask yourself; is it legal? Is it moral? And is it ethical?"

Jacobs says many parents have somehow allowed their children to develop a sense of entitlement. 

"My father made sure I knew that if it's not a right then it's a privilege, and privileges have to be earned," Jacobs said. 

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